A Look Back in Time

By Amelia L.

June 9, 1863

I ran towards our large ranch home as fast as my legs could carry me. I scurried in the door, and bounded up the stairs where I nearly collided into Mitch!

“Kate” He asked me, “where are you going in such a hurry?”

“I’m looking for Mother! I have something real important to show her!” I quickly told him, as I turned and continued racing around the house looking for Mother.

Finally, to my excitement, I found mother in the nursery feeding baby Melinda. “Mother! Look what I got! Its a letter! One of my very own! Its from Aunt Rebecca!” I yelled waving the letter in her face!

Mother smiled calmly, as if it isn’t such a big deal to get a letter. I, still filled with excitement, went on. “Look what it says Mother, just look! Aunt Rebecca has invited me to stay with her for a whole week at her big house in San Francisco!”

This finally sparked Mothers interest, for she stopped feeding Melinda and motioned for me to hand her the letter. After skimming over the letter she looked up at me with concern written over her face.

“Well Kate, that is very nice of your Aunt to think of you and invite you to her home. But Kate, sweety, you are a little girl. You’re quite small and fragile for eight years old and I am worried about your health. I do not think it would be wise to send you to stay with your Aunt just now. I want to be with you to take care of you if you become ill. In the future we may discuss sending you to stay with your Aunt, but not now. I’m sorry” Mother told me as she handed the letter back.

Those words made all my excitement crash into nothing. I couldn’t believe my ears. Mother wasn’t going to let me go? She had to let me go! I just couldn’t bare the thought of not being able to do what I have longed to do for years.

“Mother” I began as tears welled up in my eyes. “Please let me go! You can’t, you just can’t disappoint me like this! You know I have longed to go to the city practically all my life. You just gotta let me go!”

“No sweetheart, you may not go just yet.” Mother answered soothingly. “Please believe me, I am doing this for your own good.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. Tears spilled over my eyes as I raced from the room. I raced down the stairs and out the back door. I ran as fast as I could, not knowing where I was going, just running and running. As if I was running from my disappointment, but just couldn’t get away.

I ran and ran, my tears blinding me, but I didn’t care. Suddenly I bumped into someone. I got up to try to run away, but strong arms grabbed me. I looked up. It was Justin.

He looked down at me  “What’s wrong Kate?” He asked with concern.

I, not knowing what to say, threw my arms around my big brother and cried so hard I shook. Justin didn’t say anything, he just waited until I let all my tears out, and was ready to tell him what happened.

(That’s what I love about Justin, he is always ready to listen.)

 Finally after crying a few minutes I looked up at him and began to tell him the whole story, about my letter, about Aunt Rebecca inviting me to her home, and about mother not letting me go.

Justin gave me a hug. “I understand sweet little Kate, I really do. But Mother is just trying to do what’s best for you” I nodded, I knew he was right. “Come on, let’s go do something fun, and forget all about this.”

 That’s just what we did, Justin and I went down to the creek and had a wonderful time playing and splashing in the cool water. Justin was right. I had so much fun I forgot all about my troubles... for a short time anyhow.

May 19, 1867

“Hey Kate, do you want to go riding with me and Chad?” Mitch asked me bright and early this morning.

 I, feeling quite grumpy, snapped at him. “No! You go play with those stupid horses. I don’t want to. I hate living on this ranch!” I looked at Mitch’s hurt look and felt a twinge of guilt. “I’m sorry Mitch. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. I’m just tired of being on this ranch! San Francisco is so much more exciting! I can’t believe Mother made me come home after a short week there!”

Mitch looked at me, still with a little pain in his eyes. “I love being on this here ranch, I wish you felt the same way!” He said with a shrug.

“Yeah, me too little brother, me too!” I replied rustling his thick brown hair. “You go and have fun though!” I told him as he turned to leave.

Mitch left, and I was all alone in the sitting room. I slouched down in my chair and frowned. “I am so unhappy here. Mother knows how much I love city life. Why must I be stuck on this dusty, dirty ranch?” I angrily thought to myself.

 After begging and begging mother to allow me to visit Aunt Rebecca, mother finally agreed to let me go, seeing as I am already twelve years old. I had the most wonderful time there. I was finally around civilized folk, doing civilized things. But Mother ruined it by making me return home early, just because I came down with a slight cold!

 It’s like torture living on this ranch. There is dust everywhere, there are stinky cattle and horses everywhere, and I have to work from sunup to sundown in the unbearable California heat. I am very very unhappy!

October 2, 1873

“I hate you!!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “I hate you so much!” I yelled again. I was so angry I wasn’t even thinking about what I was saying. I looked at my Father, I could tell my hateful words had left a mark. “I hate you both! You don’t love me! You just love the other children! You never let me do what I want to do!”

I swung around and raced up the stairs. “Why did he have to be so cruel!” I thought, furiously. I raced to my room and slammed the door behind me. I then collapsed on my bed, tears overflowing my eyes as I thought of the events of the day.

Aunt Rebecca had written me another letter and invited me to come visit her again. She said she had a marvelous time with me, and wanted me to go to school in San Francisco and live with her for a few months! This was a dream come true for me! I begged my mother to let me go, but she refused, so I went to talk to Father. He was always saying how much he loved me and he spoiled me quite a bit. I assumed he would take my side this time, but he didn’t. He refused to let me go. Now I know he doesn’t love me! He hates me!

I was so mad! I lay on my bed as furious tears dripped from my eyes. Just then there was a knock at the door. I ignored it. I didn’t want to talk to anybody!

Chad, not waiting for me to invite him in, walked over to where I lay. “I heard what happened little sister. You really shouldn’t talk to father like that. You really hurt him. He loves you more than anything you know.”

I knew, but refused to admit it. Chad stood there awkwardly another minute. I could tell he wasn’t sure what to do, or say, next. I sat up and invited him to sit next to me.  Then in a rush of words I told him what I was planning to do. “I am seventeen now. Father shouldn’t always treat me like a baby. Chad, can you keep a secret?”

Chad looked at me suspiciously. “What is it?”

 “I am going to go to Aunt Rebecca’s house in San Francisco. I don’t care what father said, I am going to go. And You better not tell anyone...EVER! They will find out sooner or later on their own.”

Chad stood up angrily. “You just can’t go against Father like that Katherine. You just Can’t!”

 “But I will. And you can’t tell. I told you because I trust you. So don’t you dare tell!”

 “Kate, you have changed. You are now a spoiled, unhappy, rude, person. I don’t even like being around you anymore. I miss the Kathrine I knew as a child. The one who liked the ranch. The one who had a grateful, kind, spirit. I wish she would return!”

Those words hurt. Have I really changed that much? Was I really so awful? “No I must not be!” I kept saying to myself, trying to ease my guilty conscience. “And even if I have changed, it’s Father’s fault, because he is not letting me live around civilized people, like I was born to do!”

October 3, 1873

I grabbed my now full suitcase, and snuck out my window. The sun had not quite come up yet, and there was still a chill in the morning air.

I felt a little sorry for running away to Aunt Rebecca’s house, but I was still very angry at Father. “I deserve to have a better life! And he’s not giving it to me!” I kept telling myself as I raced to the barn.  I saddled up an old horse and started my long journey to the train station.

I finally arrived there by mid morning, and started my even longer trip to San Francisco.

 I was beginning to be very excited! I hadn’t been to see Aunt Rebecca in about five years, and I was finally going back!

After a long, hot, tiring ride I arrived at Aunt Rebecca’s home. I stumbles out of the carriage, grabbed my luggage and marched up the front steps. I rang the doorbell. As I waited for Aunt Rebecca to come to the door,  I pondered what Aunt Rebecca would think about the unexpected visit. “Will she welcome me? Will she send me home? Will she…”

Just then the door opened, and I looked up at my astonished Aunt.  “Hello Aunt Rebecca” I stuttered. I tried to judge by the look on her face what she would say.

To my surprise she didn't say anything! (Aunt Rebecca is rarely ever speechless!!!) She smiled big and gave me a hug. Then she led me inside. “Why Kathrine” she finally said. “I am so happy to see you! I was never more surprised to see anyone in my life! Your parents sent me a letter telling me you wouldn’t be coming, but here you are!”

“Well actually Aunt Rebecca, they don’t even know i’m here.” I mumbled, my head hung low. “Father wouldn’t let me come. I ran away because I just couldn’t stand being on that dusty old ranch any longer!

 “Why Katherine! You ran away? I am shocked you would do something so..so drastic!! I do however understand your argument, and my house is absolutely welcome to you. I will let your parents know you are safe here with me, and get this all straightened out! I am quite glad you are here Katherine.”

I sighed in relief, knew she would find a way to let me stay! I am finally on my own!

October 31, 1873

I sat in Aunt Rebecca’s parlor sewing. It was quiet with Aunt Rebecca gone for a meeting. She rarely ever ran out of words to say, and after living with her for a few weeks it is a surprise when she is gone and the house is silent!”

Because it was so silent, I jumped when I heard the sudden noise of someone knocking on the front door.

I set my sewing neatly down, straightened my new silk dress, and went to see who had come by. I peered out the window and saw a tall, handsome stranger. I wondered whether I should open the door or not, but finally made up my mind that I should.

“Hello” I said, not completely sure what to say to the stranger.

Thankfully he did all the talking. “How do you do. My name is Troy Swanson. I noticed your arrival a few weeks back and have wanted to stop by and introduce myself. It’s not every day I get to meet such a lovely, sophisticated, young woman such as yourself.”

At those words I am sure my cheeks flushed red! My insides got all fluttery. He was so handsome, and seemed like such a gentlemen. The way he talked to me made me feel so important. He made me feel as though I was an adult, as though I was smart, as though I could make my own choices! I loved to feel important and I was flattered that the young man had come calling on me!

“It’s a pleasure to meet  you Mr. Swanson. I’m Katherine” I managed to say. (Whenever I am in the company of young men I never know what to say!)

“Please, just call me Troy” He said grinning.

“Alright, won’t you come in Troy?” I asked motioning for him to enter the once quiet home.

Troy nodded and stepped inside. “I am afraid I can only stay a short while, but if you don’t mind I would love to come back again in the near future.” I nodded happily. I sat down on the couch and Troy sat next to me! He sat so close I felt his warm breath on my face.

We began chatting, and after a while we knew each other quite well. He seemed so kind, and I felt like I could share anything with him, so I told him all about my troubles on the ranch. He agreed with me and said that my family sounded horrible, and that I made the right decision. When he talked that way about my family however, it sounded so cruel. And I felt a little remorse about leaving them so suddenly.

Troy is such a wonderful young man though, and he thinks I am wonderful too! He promised a will return sometime soon, and that he couldn’t wait until then!

I can’t wait either! Troy is the most wonderful person in the world.

November 3 1873

 I am furious right now! Aunt Rebecca is sending me back home!  I just can’t bear to go home! Why would Aunt Rebecca do that to me?  She found out yesterday that I was seeing Troy. She was furious at me. She said he was he was bad company, and that he will get me into lots of trouble! She said that she just couldn’t handle me anymore, and Father is coming to pick me up. I will never forgive either of them for making me go home!

 Last night I snuck out to see Troy, and he said he would come down to visit me regularly. I am thrilled about that! He cares about me so much he will come all the way to see me!

But am still very angry with Aunt Rebecca, for sending me home, and calling Troy bad company!

March 19, 1874

“Melinda! Do you and little Andi want to come play dolls with me!” I asked, faking a smile. Melinda raced over carrying her doll, and Baby Andi waddled behind her.

 I really didn’t want to play with the little girls, but I knew it would make Mother happy. It would distract her from knowing what I was really doing!

Every night after everyone was in bed I would sneak out and see Troy. He would say kind things to me and make me feel good.

Last night he talked about us sneaking away to elope. I didn’t really like the thought of that, but he has a way with words and I promised that someday we would be married…. just not yet.

 “Here Kate. You be the mother, and me and Andi will make the dollies talk!” Melinda said pulling me from my thoughts.  I groaned. I hated playing these games. I glanced at mother. She was smiling as she watched her daughters playing. At least Mother thought I was changed!

March 30, 1874

“Katherine! How could you let us down like this! We love you, we care for you, we give you everything you could ever need or want. And you, you run away and see a young man behind our backs! That Troy, he is the most lowdown person ever! He is practically a criminal! And my daughter is going out with him!”

I looked up at Father. His eyes seemed to be on fire as he yelled at me.

“How did he ever find out about Troy anyway?” I wondered. “Did he see us sneaking out to the barn last night? Did someone else see us and tell father? Either way, he knows now. I won’t let Father keep us apart!” I thought angrily and then verbalize my thoughts to Father.

 “Troy actually cares for me. You don’t!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.

 Father laughed and then shouted, “That man doesn’t love you at all!”

Those words hurt. I didn’t believe it. Father was just trying to hurt me some more.

            “James, maybe we should think things through” Mother said, trying to ease the tension.

Father nodded. “Go up to your room. Me and your mother need to talk!”

I raced to my room. I heard my father follow and lock the door.

My mind went wild. “I can’t live in this house anymore! I need to leave! I think it’s time to leave with Troy!” I sat down, grabbed a scrap of paper and wrote “I hate you all, and I never want to see any of you again!” In the moment I was so angry I wrote those cruel words without thinking about what it would do to my family.

 Then I quickly packed up my things and raced away to go find Troy.

August 7, 1874

My heart is eternally broken. The love of my life, Troy, was lying. He doesn’t care about me. He fooled me, and I let him! We were married a few weeks ago, and now I see him for who he truly is.

I am now pregnant with my little baby. I am laying in my bed, crying right now. I am so regretful of all the choices I have made! My baby is now going to grow up in a sad, cruel home, unlike the one I was raised in!

 I now realize how much I had changed, Chad was right all those years ago. I was so selfish and cruel to my family. I left the people who really cared about me for a lying thief!

I am pretty sure I broke my father’s heart by leaving.  Troy said that I did. This morning he stomped into our house, holding a bag of money. He probably stole it, but I just didn’t want to know. He come over to me with a sneer on his face.

“Kathrine, I found out something in town that I think you’d want to know! Your father died, died in some sort of horse accident. I bet your happy! You used to say how much you hated him, and now he’s dead!”

I started to cry and he laughed. “What, did you change your mind? Do you miss him now? Well i’m not afraid to tell ya, it was your fault he died. Ever since you left he’s been heartbroken, and hasn’t been able to concentrate on his work. He was distracted thinking about you, and that’s why he died. He died because of you!”

I didn’t know what to say. I am so remorseful of all my decisions, and if I could go back in time I would surely change a lot of things!

I am such a terrible creation. Why was I ever even born?

June 7, 1880

            I am on my way home, to the Circle C Ranch! I am going to ask my family to forgive me for all the terrible things I have done to them. Will they ever forgive me? Will Troy find me and the children? What will he do if he does find us? I have so many problems, and so much to worry about, and it’s all my fault!

(Family Secret continues the story of Kathrine, her children, and Andrea Carter!)