A Young Lady's Choices

 by Abby B. (ages 14-17)

This story highlights Andi’s mother, Elizabeth Carter, when she first came to California.

 “Are we almost there?”

“Mother, he pinched me!”

“No, I didn’t! You’re making that up!”

“Sit still! We’re not supposed to make any noise!”

The questions and comments went on and on. Frankly, Elizabeth Johnson was tired of her younger siblings' constant chatter. It was bad that she had to be pressed up next to them for their journey. Hearing the meaningless talk that went on between the three was almost worse.

Now, if it was herself who was making this trip alone, that would be an entirely different circumstance.

She’d begun this trip out West with a bright smile, high hopes, and excitement for adventure - something she had always yearned for and dreamed of. And… now she almost regrets it.

But going on an adventure is still the same… even if you have three younger siblings to attend to while doing so.

“Hush!” Mother’s strict voice came sailing through the small space. “You all know better than to speak this loudly.”

Elizabeth fought back the urge to glare at the threesome responsible for the rebuke.

A lady does not show her strong emotions.

Being a lady was hard sometimes.

“Beth,” a little voice, concealing the words in a whisper, brought her out of her thoughts. A blond head peeked up at her, the bangs in front just barely covering blue eyes above a smattering of freckles.

“Yes, Mark?” she murmured back, straightening his collar, a habit of hers for both younger brothers.

He tilted his head to the side in an adorable questioning look. “Why aren’t we there yet?”

Inwardly sighing, Elizabeth checked her emotions. “Because,” she said, trying not to let her annoyance with this question slip past her guards, “a trip to the West is very long. We’ll be there soon enough. Don’t worry.”

“‘M not worrying,” Mark grumbled, slumping. “I jus’ want to know.”

“Speak precisely and clearly,” Elizabeth almost automatically corrected. “You know Mother doesn’t like it when we talk with the country accent. She was raised that way, and we should respect and do the same.”

“I don’t like it when you go off on a rant, Beth,” Mark muttered, crossing his arms, and looking more sullen than before.

Elizabeth shook her head, slipping her hand into her small bag and pulling out her well-worn journal. Writing troubles away was often her method when she had larger emotions than normal. This trick had been taught by her mother, who suggested it as a last-resort kind of thing to tame her daughter’s occasional temper.

She opened it to the creased and slightly wrinkled pages, courtesy of Mark and Rose. Her fingers brushed over the last entry she’d scribbled in a hurry.

 Leaving now. I dearly hope this works out for us.

 The date sat forgotten in the corner of the page - a necessity that Elizabeth often forgot about. She glanced over the other entries that she’d poured her feelings and thoughts into. She wasn’t proud of them, but they’d done the job well.

Closing the journal softly, she placed it reverently back in the bag. Looking up, her cornflower eyes met green ones, staring at her intently like she was committing a crime.

She raised her eyebrows, as if to say, Something I can help you with?

Her fourteen year old brother, Aaron, shook his head so subtly that Rose and Mark actually missed that there was a conversation going on between their older siblings.

So why are you staring at me?

Elizabeth mouthed the words. Aaron jerked his head toward Rose, who was looking at Mark like she was plotting revenge. The little boy was oblivious, head bobbing as he silently hummed a tune.

Honestly, Rose probably was.

The unspoken question of what happened hung in the air, and Aaron quietly moved his foot forward to gently tap Elizabeth’s.

Ah. Mark must’ve kicked her. The recognition was plain in her eyes, and she gently whispered to the nine year old that he should watch where his legs were going.

Rose settled back, feeling justice had been served, and Elizabeth released the breath she’d been holding. She smiled at Aaron in thanks for avoiding disaster, and he nodded back.

They could get along so well sometimes, then in other instances they were screaming at each other like enemies. Being seven years older, Elizabeth felt a responsibility for her younger siblings. Aaron had always been just slightly rebellious, but not with bad intent. He just enjoyed having fun.

This past year he’d grown very serious. Perhaps maturity was starting to get to him. 

But Elizabeth missed the fun brother she’d had. It felt as though it’d been a lifetime since she’d seen a real smile play out on his face.

Maybe this journey will help. Oh, God, I hope it helps all of us.

 ###

 “Gross!” Rose squealed as her foot was covered in thick mud. “That’s disgusting!”

A passerby chuckled. “Get used to it, miss. Mud as far as the eye can see. That’s the one thing that’s current ‘round here.”

“I want to go home!” she wailed, clutching Mother’s dress. “Don’t make me stay here.”

“Now, now,” Father gently chided. “Perhaps this isn’t the best of circumstances, but we’ll make it work, now won’t we?”

Mother’s face was white; clearly she was imagining all possible scenarios. It didn’t look like she was thrilled about the idea of staying here for a long time.

“How, Father?” Mark inquired, lifting one foot and setting it back down with a squishing sound as the mud churned.

“Hm.” The twinkle in his eye wasn’t unnoticed by Elizabeth and Aaron as they both took five steps backwards. “By…”

With one great swoop of his arms, he grabbed Mark and tossed him into a pile of mud.

Rose doubled over, laughing at her little brother’s shocked expression at being covered in the unpleasant substance.

“What was that for?!” Mark shrieked, batting at his father who was chuckling with the pleasure of his trick.

“For fun, obviously,” Carl Johnson reached down and hauled the boy up. “Come on. We can make the best of this, children. No solemn faces around these parts, hear?”

If only we could all have that attitude about this, Elizabeth thought while she nodded, desperately wishing to erase her mother’s pained look. I dearly hope this isn’t a bad idea.

 ###

 She was so tired.

While the idea of adventure had been appealing at first (and still were, to a point) ,but she began intensely regretting the situation when there were simultaneous gasps of horror as the city family saw the cabin, dirt clods in the floorboards, bugs congregating in the ceiling, and much more.

The mud was everywhere, much to Rose, the pompous city girl’s, displeasure. Weeds sprouted along the base of the cabin, horribly overgrown and in need of change.

Worse still, just a few days after arrival, Father had begun feeling under the weather, creating a problem, for, after all, he was supposed to start working. Mother insisted on rest once she’d noticed the flush of his cheeks and tired demeanor.

Just yesterday, he’d stumbled into the cabin, that silly smile playing on his face, as he offered a small gathering of wildflowers as a replacement for complete disregard of Mother’s stern instructions. Now, those flowers sat on the sill, seeming to wilt in the pouring sunlight.

He was clearly getting worse, no matter how much the family denied it. These few weeks had been incredibly hard for the family.

More often than not, the idea of leaving had been brought up, but Father had brushed it away, saying that he’d made a commitment and planned to keep it.

One good thing about all this, however, was the meeting of Miss Katherine, who’s daughter, Anna, had helped them settle in and get the house prepared for living.

Everyone was kind to them, but that meant little to Mother, who still yearned for home.

Elizabeth sighed, her fingers caressing the pretty flower that smiled at her even from its bent posture.

“Are you all right, Beth?” Mark asked from his splayed out position on the floor, gazing up at her. “You sighed like you were all sad.”

“Yes, I’m quite well,” she smiled back at him fondly.

“Hm,” Mark looked at her suspiciously, but didn’t ask anything else.

The rusty door creaked, and Mother entered the cabin in a flurry. She’d been out today, probably clearing her mind after the unfortunate string of events, since early morning.

“Hello,” she smiled at the four children. “Where’s your father?”

“Said he had to run some errands or something,” Rose answered. “We’ve just been waiting here. For you.”

“Well, I’m back now,” Mother assured them. “And I thought of a splendid idea for us.”

Is she…?

“I thought we’d all make a trip out to the city to fetch some more supplies and such.”

Oh, she saw it in her face. Mother couldn’t stand this place. She desperately longed for the city; a place that comforted her much more than a gold camp.

But… Father was sick. How could they leave him in this situation?

“I already spoke with your father,” she said, almost reading their thoughts. “He thought it was a magnificent idea. You’ve all been so helpful.”

“Yes!” Rose squealed and ran to her mother, jumping up and down.

“When do we leave?” Aaron inquired softly.

“Oh…” Mother’s lips pursed. “I thought maybe in a few days, then stay in the city for just a little bit before coming back.”

“It sounds wonderful,” Elizabeth smiled. “Thank you, Mother.”

“Of course.”

 ###

 The next week was a whirlwind of delight. One didn’t realize how much they could miss the little things in their life until it was gone.

So much laughter, joy, and love surrounded the little trip.

The only thing that could make it better was if Father had been along for the ride.

Elizabeth couldn’t help but worry for him a little bit. When they finally came back home, it was almost a relief that they had arrived and weren’t apart any longer.

She’d left her family after an order from Mother to go ahead and find Father. He hadn’t been waiting for them when they came back.

As she walked through the camp, glances and subtle whispers didn’t go unnoticed.

Why are they all acting strange?

“Miss Johnson!”

A voice caught her and caused Elizabeth to turn around. A man came up, one she recognized as a work partner of Father’s.

“Hello,” she greeted him, gently dropping in a small curtsy. “Would you happen to know where my father is?”

“Well, that’s what I came to tell ya,” the man looked uncomfortable. “He’s…”

“He’s what?”

“I’m very sorry, ma’m, but he’s… he’s dead.”

 ###

 Elizabeth stumbled backwards, a hand going to her mouth to block the gasp. “No,” she whispered. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not,” his eyes were sorrowful. “I’m sorry, Miss Johnson. There was an accident, and… he didn’t get out.”

She bowed her head, trying to calm her trembling hands.

Control your emotions.

Tears slid out of her eyes and dripped onto the ground, causing a dark spot amidst light ground.

Oh, my father. How is this possible?

“Would you like me to alert the rest of your family?” The man twisted his hands, looking uncomfortable.

“No,” her voice sounded cold, distant. “I will. Thank you.”

“Of course,” he nodded, but concern marred his features. “Will you be alright?”

“Yes.” She lifted a hand to wipe away the tears. “Well, hopefully.”

He tipped his hat, moving away.

Her heart felt torn into pieces. In all her worries and terrors of what would happen while they were here, never had this crossed her mind.

Which was almost so much worse.

He died while we were away. Oh, God, how could I have let this happen? He was alone. He was trying to work while he was sick! If only-

“Don’t dwell on what-ifs.”

Her father’s favorite saying, often a comfort for his children who imagined the worst possible situations.

But now…

She’d never hear that warm laugh again. Never see the smooth features wrinkle with joy and excitement.

Oh, my family. How will I ever tell them?

           ###

 “Beth!” Aaron hailed her when he saw her form walking through.

She turned to him, heart beating rapidly against her chest.

“Beth,” Aaron said again, studying her. “Would you know where Father is? I have yet to see him.”

She just stared back, unable to form the words that needed to be said.

Her brother’s brow wrinkled. “Are you quite all right?” Eyes widened. “Are you ill? Do you need me to fetch Mother? Or… well, I don’t know how we’d get a physician, but I could try. Seriously, Elizabeth, what’s wrong?”

“Please get Mother, Aaron,” she whispered, hating the way her voice was so distant. “I need to speak with all of you.”

Aaron looked at her, confused, but turned and went in the direction of their mother and younger siblings.

How will I tell them?

Minutes later, Mother came, gliding at her smooth pace, Rose and Mark following not long behind. Aaron led the group, his eyes held a deep worry, and Elizabeth didn’t miss the way his fingers wrapped around each other, his normal move for anxiety.

“Elizabeth, whatever do you need us for?” Mother inquired.

“It’s Father,” Elizabeth said, trying to keep her voice steady. “He…”

“What?”

“He’s gone.”

 ###

 The next few days were a whirlwind of weeping and sadness. After that horrible moment when Elizabeth had to tell her family the awful news of Father’s demise, for the first time in her 21 years, she saw her mother cry.

Openly. In the streets, the woman broke down, mourning the loss of her husband.

Later, it was confirmed that Carl Johnson had insisted on working while he was ill, set on providing for his family while they were absent and couldn’t force him to stay. Worthless apologies were given by many men who blamed themselves for not seeing the man was sick and should not be working. They shouldn’t, of course. How would they have known?

The family of five, now four, from Pittsburgh, was devastated. A loss this hard had not been inflicted upon them for quite some time; it was shocking to learn about the death so suddenly.

Following the moment where Andrea Johnson had lost her composure, she’d just as quickly regained it. Tears were expected, as was mourning. But she held her head high and received the comforting words whilst holding herself together.

The siblings, however, were an entirely different story. Each dealt with grief in different ways, yet somehow similarly.

Aaron drew further into himself, speaking and showing emotion much less. Rose was devastated, and cried all too often. Mark, even with his nine years, was confused, and had asked the dreaded question: “When is Father coming back?”

Elizabeth poured herself out on paper, writing of what she wished she would have said or done before the tragedy. She took up the responsibility of caring for her siblings while their mother was too lost to do so, and the younger ones cope.

Miss Katherine assisted her as often as her old bones allowed it, and more often than not her daughter accompanied her. The workmen compiled together to help the family with bills and such, as well as getting their daily needs met.

She could see the pain in her mother’s face every time she glimpsed something that resembled their life with Father, like the mud he’d thrown Mark in, or the flowers he’d so generously picked for his daughters.

How have memories been made so quickly in one month?

Whatever the reason, it was painful for Mother to live in this camp any longer. So it wasn’t truly a surprise when late one evening, she looked each of her children in the eyes and said in that firm voice that had beared unimaginable pain, and said:

“I believe we’ll be heading back to Pittsburgh quite soon.”

 ###

 Her decision had been made, from the moment she set foot in the West.

She belonged here.

Perhaps not in this gold camp (she wasn’t a miner, obviously), but she could make a living by herself. True, there weren’t many women who worked around these parts, however, she could start it. Father had always been a dreamer, and had taught her well on how to manage and begin a small shop. San Francisco was a new booming city, perfect for her.

That could be her living.

And maybe, one day, she could find someone to build a family with, as well as a home. A new life, away from the cities and far into the world.

She’d have to leave her family.

Which would likely be the hardest trial of all.

Now, her fingers once again brushed over an entry she’d made just that morning.

 I  will miss them all terribly. But it’s best.

Taking a deep breath, she turned.

It was time.

 ###

 “That’s everything,” Mother smiled sadly at Elizabeth. “I hate to leave you here.”

“It’s all right,” she inhaled deeply, preparing herself for the task at hand. “I’ll be fine.”

Were those unshed tears glimmering in her stoic mother’s eyes?

“Say goodbye to your sister,” Mother prodded the three solemn children beside her to move.

Mark leapt, barreling into Elizabeth. His arms wrapped around her neck tightly, not hard enough to cut off air supply, but just the right amount.

“I’ll miss you, Beth,” he whispered, burying his pixie face in her hair that she’d decided to leave loose today. “A lot.”

“And I, you, little brother,” Elizabeth smiled at him, then turned to Rose as he backed to Mother, gripping her hand.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving us,” she said bluntly, bottom lip stuck out.

“I’m definitely not doing that,” Elizabeth bent down close to her ear. “If you ever need my help, remember, just send me a letter and I’ll come rescue you.”

Rose giggled at the prospect then grew serious. “Goodbye Beth. I… I will miss you more than you probably think.”

After the sisters' goodbye, Mother came forward and engulfed her daughter in a hug. Wet drops splashed on Elizabeth’s neck… she was crying. “My dear girl. My Elizabeth. I’m so very proud of you.”

Her heart skipped a beat and she pressed closer, not wanting the moment to end.

But finally Mother drew back, eyes glassy, and cupped a hand against her eldest’s cheek. “You never stop dreaming, love. Your father would want that for you.”

She glanced at the time, then grabbed Rose and Mark’s hands. “We’d best be on our way. Goodbye, my dear Elizabeth.”

As they hurried away, Elizabeth called out, “Goodbye!” as they entered the stagecoach waiting to take them home.

She turned to the solemn boy standing a few feet away. “Are you planning to go with them?”

Aaron nodded, shuffling his feet and keeping his gaze directed at the ground. So many words were left unspoken between the two of them, but it was clear that he was struggling with the prospect of leaving a sibling behind.

Elizabeth moved forward and embraced her younger brother, ignoring the way his shoulders stiffened at the touch. He did relax, and she felt arms go around her as well.

She murmured in his ear, “Take care of them. You are the eldest now, Aaron Johnson, and the man of the house. Promise me you will be with them.”

He drew back, his green eyes serious. “I will, Beth. I promise you. Goodbye… I’ll miss you as well.”

With that being said, he turned and moved for the stagecoach, but looked back one more time, his lips turning up in a sad but steady look.

And she grinned back.

###

 A few months later…

The bell ringing brough Elizabeth looking up as she observed the young man who came into her shop. He glanced around, taking in the meager supplies.

Then his gaze landed on her.

She took it in. Bright, blue eyes, so honest and kind. Dark hair, growing just a little too long. A strong, steady stance, like he knew what to do in a tough situation.

“I’m Elizabeth. Elizabeth Johnson,” she said, raising her eyebrows at him. “Can I help you with something?”

“Oh, I’m just here to get some supplies for me and my partner, Elijah Hunt,” he said. “I don’t suppose you have any?”

“Of course.” She came out from the counter, holding her head high as he followed her to the section she’d partitioned off specifically for this case. “What was your name again, sir?”

He smiled at her, a bright flash of white against a serious face.

“James, ma’am. James Carter.”