Hope Beyond Sorrow

 by Alivia Ulrich (ages 14-17)

Memory Creek Ranch, 1892

  Andrea Prescott sank into a chair with a deep sigh.  Finally, she thought, the children are asleep.  Maybe now I can— “Oh, no,” she moaned aloud.  “I forgot about supper!”

   With another exasperated sigh, directed upward to blow a strand of dark hair out of her eyes; she stood slowly, placing one hand to her aching back and the other on her rounding belly.  Walking into the kitchen, she surveyed the mess still waiting for her from lunch; before crossing the room and starting to dig through the cupboards.

   The day had just not gone well so far.  Jared, already five-years-old, had been so full of energy all day, that Andi had finally sent him out to play—only for him to come back covered in the mud that the week’s rain had left.  She hadn’t been able to get anything done with the two-year-old twins—Lillian and Charlotte—getting into everything in the house, now that they could walk.  Riley had been out all day, and her surging headache still hadn’t gone away.  The baby wasn’t due for another four months, yet the pains got more intense each week.

   Now, standing on tiptoe, Andi reached for the pan on the highest shelf.

   Almost…got it—

   As she grasped the handle and pulled, everything besides the pan came crashing to the floor.  Andi let out a groan as two cries rang out and whirled around frustrated to face the kitchen door.  She was about to march back into her daughters’ room, when a searing pain suddenly erupted through her.  Dizziness washed over her and she had to grip the edge of the table so tight that her knuckled turned white, with the pressure.

   “Hold…on, girls,” the called between clenched teeth.  Trying to take deep, even breaths, Andi followed the table to the door, but she could go no further.  She sank to the floor, just as the back door opened and Riley stepped into the kitchen.  He rushed to Andi’s side, the second he saw her.

   “Andi, what’s wrong?  …Andi?  Andrea, speak to me.”

   “I feel so…so weak.  Everything is spinning…I can’t…”  her feeble voice trailed off.

   She felt his hand on her forehead and then her cheek.  “Andi, you’re burning up.”

   Riley gathered his wife in his arms and carried her to their bed, then quickly ran back to the door.  Andi heard him call out to a ranch hand, to send for the doctor as fast as he could, before she slipped into a dark, soundless world.

 

   How can I be so hot, yet I’m shaking with chills?  Andi tossed and turned in bed, her body aching, head throbbing.  Suddenly her eyes flew open at a surging pain.  Riley’s face appeared blurry to her, but it brought some comfort.  At the next burst of pain, she reached for her husband’s hand and squeezed it.

   “Riley!”  Her voice was hoarse, yet alarmed and fearful.

   “I’m here, Andi, I’m here.  Can you hear me?”

   “The baby,” she whispered.  “I—it’s time…”

   Now his face took on the look of fear and shock.  “No, it’s—it’s too early.”

   She cried out.  Lord, please help me get through this…I don’t know how I can…

   Suddenly the door burst open, and the doctor rushed inside.  “What’s wrong?”

   Riley stood and she could hear the anxiety in his voice, as he replied, “She’s burning with fever, and…and she says the baby is on the way.”

   The doctor could not hide his deep concern.  He rushed to Andi’s side, examining her and preparing for a birthing.

***

   The pain was almost unbearable.  The process was long and difficult, lasting long into the night.  Mother came, followed by Melinda to take the children home with her.  Andi’s agonizing cries filled the night.

   And then suddenly, there came another small cry after Andi’s.  Andi breathed deeply, relief flooding her.  It’s over…it’s all over…I’m done…the baby—our baby—is here.

   She opened her eyes and looked around the room.  Riley was still beside her, clutching her hand tightly, but Mother and the doctor were busy with the baby. 

Riley bent to kiss her head.  “You did it, princess.  You—” He voice faltered, and he turned his gaze to the baby.  His face paled.

It was then that Andi realized the terrible silence that came across the room.  She followed her husband’s gaze to Mother, who was bringing the child—wrapped in a gray-blue blanket—to them.  She placed the babe in Riley’s arms.

“We’ll leave you alone for a while.”  Mother kissed Andi’s cheek, then followed the doctor out the door—but not before Andi saw the sorrow in her eyes.

Andi could only stare at the tiny child, in the arms of the trembling father.  It was so small, she could scarcely believe that was her own.  The breaths were light…uneven; it couldn’t get enough air to even cry.

“A son,” Riley whispered, swallowing hard.  “What are you going to name him, darling?”

Andi reached a shaking hand towards the newborn, letting him wrap his hand around her little finger.  His grip was light. 

“James.”  Her voice could barely be heard.  “James Matthew Prescott.”

Riley nodded in agreement.  Andi looked up into her husband’s glistening eyes.  A tear slowly trailed down his cheek, she reached to wipe it away; her own tears silently falling.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Don’t say that, Andi.  It’s not your fault—not at all.  God will save our son, or He will take him up to be with Him.  Either way, we will still trust and praise the Lord.”

Andi didn’t say anything.  She couldn’t.  She could only look down at their child in love.  James’ breaths became slower and weaker; until he took his last breath and died in Riley’s arms, his hand still clutching Andi’s finger.

Two headstones bore the name James in the town cemetery.  James Thomas Carter, who lived a good life—though taken sooner than most—and was the husband and father of a loving family.  And James Matthew Prescott, who lived a short life—only five fleeting minutes—yet was loved by three siblings and two grieving parents.

***

   Recovery was a long process, between the birth and the sickness that hung on, Andi was bedridden for several weeks.

   The doctor shook his head sadly.  “If Andi can get her strength back, then she may have a chance at winning this battle.  But if she doesn’t try, she may have trouble with her body for the rest of her life.”

   Andi squeezed her eyes shut, as Riley led the doctor out.  This is all just a nightmare…just a horrible dream that will go away, as soon as I wake up…it will go away with the sun’s rays.

   But when she opened her eyes, she was still lying in bed, and dark clouds prevented any rays of light to come through.

   There was no escaping the terrible nightmare Andi had fallen into.

***

   Andi stared blankly, at the wall ahead of her.  Riley had left her sitting in the chair to get chores done, and she was alone—alone with her thoughts and troubles.

   Why, God? she thought suddenly.  Why did You let this happen?  Now I can’t care for my family.

   Tears of anger stung her eyes and she blinked at them furiously, annoyed when she let one slide down her cheek.  She wanted to scream.  But that wouldn’t make anything better.  Already two weeks had passed, since the birth and death of her son.  Her fever had broken, but she was still healing—physically and mentally.  The doctor had been over almost every day, encouraging her to try to strengthen her weak muscles and walk.

   “If you don’t push yourself now, it will continue to worsen,” she could hear him say.

   But what was the use?  What was the use of trying?  Was life really worth living now?  Andi’s chest grew tight at the thought; her conscious screamed for her to stop thinking that way.

   The bedroom door opened right then, and Mother stepped into the room.  Her eyes were filled with sympathy.  She walked to the window and pushed the curtains aside.  Light flooded into the room.  Andi had preferred the darkness.

   “Andrea, darling, you really must try to—”

   “I can’t, Mother, I can’t.  I’m tired of trying.  I just want to give up and—”

   “Don’t say that, Andrea.  I know it all looks bad right now, but you must not lose faith in God and grow bitter.”

   “That’s what everyone is saying, but they don’t understand.”

   Mother silently sat beside her daughter, her voice was gentle when she finally replied, “That’s not true.  I do understand—”

“How could you?  How?”  Andi looked away, hands grasping the arms of her chair in anger.

Sighing, Elizabeth placed her hand on Andi’s.  “Andrea, your ancestors all faced trials; as I faced trials.  And I have this to show you.”

   Elizabeth took out a beautiful quilt from her bag.  Each fabric was different in pattern and color and sewn in no particular order.  Andi noticed the quilt was unfinished.

   “I began this quilt in my first year in marriage,” Elizabeth explained.  “It is my story-quilt, because each patch has a unique story.  I started this quilt with this piece of fabric, which belonged to my grandmother, Violet Miller Peck.”

She pointed to the piece of fabric in the left corner of the top row.  It was a light purple, with tiny violets across it.  “It was from the dress she was wearing during the sendoff of the Corps of Discovery, a group that, led by Lewis and Clark, explored the new Louisiana Territory.  Her brother was among them—but he never came back, losing his life in the journey.  She later married Jonathon Peck, and this—" she indicated a worn, dark red piece— “was part of his shirt.  He was a carpenter, before moving west with Violet.  Their love for each other was strong—see here, this lace?  It was from her wedding dress.  She once told me that their house—the log cabin her husband had worked so hard to build—caught fire and burnt to the ground.  Violet managed to grab a few precious things, but everything else was lost in the fire.  But they had faith that God would take care of them and they later had a large family.

   “This black fabric was from Maggie Steward Johnson’s mourning dress.  Both her parents died in a carriage accident, when she was only twelve years old.  She was so poor that when they dyed her only dress black, it was all she had to wear for years.  She was sent from one orphanage to another, never getting adopted.  Her life was full of fear and loneliness, and when she was too old to stay at an orphanage; she was left to live on the streets and find any work she could.  But one day, she met her future husband, Thomas Johnson.  They married soon after and their love for each other grew over the years.  I also added this wool here, which was from Thomas’ coat, when she first met him.

   “Now your father’s grandmothers have their share to the quilt, too.  Anna James Finney immigrated to America, at age fifteen.  They didn’t have any money and she could only speak German when she came.  When she finally found work, her life got harder.  She slept on the floor of a rat-infested barn, doing back-breaking work from sunup to sundown, every day for a mean manager.  She didn’t receive much pay, and her days were long and painful.  She was there for months, before Matthew Finney rescued and married her.  She wore this blue calico when she landed in America, and this was a part of Matthew’s handkerchief.

   “Katherine Martin Carter had been born into a wealthy family.  But instead of marrying a man she did not love—a man whom her parents picked for her—she ran away and made it on her own, though not very well at first.  She had never had to lift a finger before in her life and now she had been thrust into a life full of work.  But the independence and hard work strengthened her, and she came to know the Lord during that time in her life.  She married Jacob Cater, who fought in the Revolutionary War, during their married life.  This is from his uniform—solid blue…they both were true Americans.  I sewed on this piece of silk from the fancy dress that Katherine ran away in and also this fabric of simple cotton, to show how she had changed for the better.

   “This fabric—” a yellow calico— “was worn by Violet and Jonathon’s daughter, my mother, Andrea Peck Johnson.  From when she crossed the west with her husband Carl—and this one was part of his hat—to California, in search of gold.  I remember that journey and how hard it was.  Mother lost her husband—and I lost my father—one month after we arrived.  It was an awfully hard loss for her.  Yet she had such a strong faith, and she trusted God with all her heart—that is why I named you after her.

   “Rose Finney Carter, Anna and Matthew’s daughter, married a sea captain and traveled around the world with him.  She loved the adventure of sailing, as did her husband, Paul.  This white cloth was part of his uniform, and this—” a beautiful satin burgundy— “was a dress she bought in another country.  But one night, there was a dreadful storm that nearly sank their boat—and almost cost them the life of their son—my husband, your father.  He would have drowned that night, if Paul had not dived in the sea to save him.

   “These two are from your father’s siblings, Benjamin and Rebecca.  And these three are from my siblings, Mark, Rose, and Aaron—this blue was from the uniform of Mark’s, when he fought in the Civil War.

   “This one—” a dark red and lace— “was from the dress I wore the night your father proposed to me.  It was while he was still mining for gold, and I was running my own store in San Francisco.  He brought me to this lovely point of the river and asked me to be his wife.  I said ‘yes’, and with his gold, we bought a ranch—Circle C—and raised a family there.  This brown was from his vest.

   “This last row is from each of your siblings.”  Elizabeth began at the second piece of fabric, going down the row sharing childhood memories.  When she reached the last one, she said, “And this was yours, Andrea, from the dress you wore, when you were saved by Jesus.”

   Andi looked down at her folded hands.  “He gave me grace, when I didn’t deserve it," she whispered.  “He gave—gives—me faith, and joy, and hope…hope beyond the sorrow.”

   When she looked back up, tears glistened in her eyes.  She looked down at the quilt, tracing the tiny stiches that held the pieces of fabric together.  Her eyes fell to the one Mother had skipped when talking of her siblings.  It was a soft carnation pink.

   “Mother, what about this one?”

   Elizabeth’s eyes suddenly held a hint of sorrow.  She looked past Andi, to a place of the past.

   “Mother?”

   Elizabeth slowly turned her gaze back to her daughter.  “It was a dress belonging to Hope Lisbeth Cater.”

   Andi’s brow furrowed.  “Who is that?”

   “She was your sister.”

   Andi’s eyes went wide.  “What do you mean?  Another sister?”

   “Yes.  She was my first child.  She brought so much joy to us…so much joy for one week.  She was born many weeks too early, and her heart couldn’t take it.  She died exactly seven days after her birth.  I thought I couldn’t face life anymore when I lost her.  But God gave me strength, just like He will give to you.  You just have to trust Him; find the hope beyond the sorrow.  Look around you.  You have a beautiful home and ranch, a loving family, and the doctor says if you try, you may be able to gain strength again.  Think about it, Andrea.  Think about all that your ancestors went through.  Think about the trials, that those from the Bible faced.  Think about what everyone faces.  Andrea, you’re not alone.  God loves you, and all you have to do is trust Him.”

   Elizabeth stood, leaving the quilt with Andi, and walked to the door.  Before she left, she turned back and said, “That quilt is unfinished, Andrea.  I don’t know when it will be, but I know there is plenty of room for you to stich memories of your joys…and trials, and how you overcame them.  I now leave this quilt in your hands.”  She smiled softly, then closed the door behind her.

   Andi stared after her mother, before letting her gaze drop to the quilt in her hands.

   …How I overcame my trials?  But I can’t…I don’t know how…

   You can overcome anything with Me.  Trust Me.  I am here.

   Tears coursed down her cheeks.  But Lord—

   Have I not saved you from the death of sin?  Have I not watched over you all your life?  Have I not big plans for you?

   I can’t do this on my own!

   You’re not alone.  Have faith.  I am with you—always.

   She closed her eyes.  Yes, I must have faith.  Lord, please forgive me…I have so much to be thankful for…yet I could only see the grief and trials in life.  I am ready to let go of my bitterness.  I want to be free from this anger that I have built up.  And I have faith that You will help me through this.

   Her tears became ones of repentance, relief, and then joy.  The burden that had weighed her down these last few weeks, suddenly was gone.  Her heart felt light.  And when she thought of her son, peace now surged through her at the thought that he was Home.

   Riley stepped through the door a moment later, rushing to Andi’s side the second he saw her weeping.  She smiled up at him through her tears.

   “I love you,” she whispered.  “And I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.”

   Riley wrapped his arms around Andi and held her close.  Swallowing past her tight throat, she managed to add, “I’m ready to try again.  I’m ready.”

    With strong persistence and God’s grace, Andi regained the strength she needed to do everything she used to.  God also strengthened her spiritually.  She now faced life with the aspect of looking for the good in everything—in overcoming sorrows, with the hope that God gives.  And she now had something to add to the growing quilt of her mother’s—a piece of a gray-blue blanket.

***

Memory Creek Ranch, 1894

   The wail of a newborn baby filled the room.  Andi, breathing hard, but smiling, reached out to take the child in her arms.  Riley wrapped an arm around his wife, cupping his hand around their baby girl’s head.

   “What shall we name her, princess?”

   Andi sat thoughtful for a moment, gazing down at the bright blue eyes in love, before replying, “Hope Elizabeth Prescott.”

   “Perfect.  It suits her.”

   The bedroom door opened, and Jared, Lillian, and Charlotte came in to see their new sister.

Andi smiled through the tears of joy that sprang into her eyes.  The family tree had grown and so had the quilt.  Already, she had added her fair share of pieces, and still the quilt remained unfinished.  She knew they had all faced many trials, but with God, they had overcome them.

As she gazed around her, at her joyful family and Andi recalled the words she had stitched onto the gray-blue piece of the quilt:

1 Peter 5:10—

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.