Stubborn Pride

 by Anna Parks (ages 14-17)

Note: Anna placed third with her story, "Susie," but this is her other entry.

“Andi,” Riley’s exasperated voice cut her short.  “We don’t have any other options.  We cannot continue to pay the hands.  No matter how you put it, we simply can’t afford it.”

“But they’ve been with us from the beginning,” Andi objected, “maybe they would be content with room and board.”

Riley slammed his fist on the kitchen table.  “We can’t afford room and board.  They have to be fired.  End of story.”

“Riley,” Andi forced her voice to remain calm, “you are one person.  You can’t do the work of four men.  How will everything get done if you fire the hands?”
            “We have 2, able-bodied sons that are fully capable of helping out around here,” Riley shot back.

“But they’re in school!”

“So?  Pull them out.  I left school before graduating the 8th grade, so can they.  And,” at his wife’s astonished look, “if you really want them to continue their education, then teach them at home.  They can put in a full day’s work, then study in the evenings.”

“But Riley,” Andi reminded him, “I’m not a teacher.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Riley was persistent.  “You graduated from the 8th grade, you are more than capable of teaching them.”

“While I may be capable, it doesn’t mean I have the time to give, Riley.  Between the cooking, cleaning, budget balancing, and now this baby,” Andi gestured to her rounding figure.  “Who will be arriving before we know it, there’s no room in my day to also school the boys.  The only way it would work is if we took everyone out of school so Elsie and Rosie could help out during the day.”

“Sounds great.”

“But Elsie is a few months away from graduation, and she’s already studying with Ellie for her teacher’s examinations!”

Riley reached up and rubbed the back of his neck in frustration.  “There’s no other option, Andi, this will just have to do.  Please tell Jared and Justin there’s no reason to complete their homework.”

“Where are you going now?” Andi sighed as Riley jammed his hat on his head and reached for the door handle.

“I’m going to get back to work right after I tell our hands their services are no longer necessary.  Please tell the boys.” 

A moment later, Riley was gone, slamming the door so hard the entire frame of their house shook.  Andi stared after him, then leaned her head against the door and wept.

*                      *                      *

Riley glanced at the sun, dipping behind the mountains.  He needed to head back home before Andi started to worry.  She always did when he was late, especially if they had had an argument before he left.  Most of the time she was the one meeting him with an apology on her lips, but this time it was his turn.  As he trotted through the pastures towards home, he noticed something out the corner of his eye.  Turning Dakota in the direction of the large shade tree, he drew rein and dismounted.  It had been raining for the past week, and the ground sank under his weight.  He sensed the tree creak, and as Dakota bolted away from the collapsing trunk his last thought was of Andi.

*                      *                      *

“Hello Mama.”

“Mama, we’re home!”

Loud cries greeted Andi as her children banged through the front door.  “Ah ah ah,” Andi admonished them with a smile.  “Not on the table.  We’re about to eat dinner and I need it for serving food.  Dump your school books on your beds, so you remember to put them away before you go to sleep.”

“Yes mama,” Jared’s voice rose above the others.  “Come on everyone, let’s change quick so we can play outside before supper.”

“Quickly, Jared,” Elsie’s voice held a mixture of teasing and schoolteacher reproof.  “If you don’t use proper grammar, no one will listen to your ideas.”

“Grammar shmammar,” rejoined her brother, “go try out your teaching on kids who want to hear it.”

“Alright you two, break it up.  I need Elsie’s help in the kitchen, and you, Jared, have chores to do.”

“Yes mama,” Jared sighed reluctantly as he shouldered his books and headed upstairs.

Andi pondered for a moment, then said, “Elsie, will you set the table, please?  I need to run outside for a minute.”

Elsie smiled.  “Yes ma’am.”

Andi crossed the yard toward the barn.  Entering, she breathed in the smell of hay and horses.  “Home,” she smiled, as past memories flooded her mind.  Walking down the aisle, she reached out to stroke Shasta’s face.  At that same moment, a bang from the entrance startled her.  She pivoted to face the noise, and Joey’s white face appeared in her vision. 

“Miz Prescott!  The boss is hurt bad!”

*                      *                      *

“I think that just about does it, Riley.  Your leg is healing nicely, as are your ribs and arm.  You should be back in the saddle in no time, just thank God that tree didn’t kill you.”

“How long?” Riley’s impatient voice broke into Dr. Weaver’s pronouncement.

“Not for another 4 weeks,” the doctor frowned.  Turning to Andi, he added, “and I expect you to hold him to it.  Tie him to the bed if you have to.”

“Got it,” Andi gave a halfhearted smile as Dr. Weaver gathered his bag and turned to leave.

“Stay,” the elderly man smiled, “I can see myself to the door.  I’ll be around again next week,” he called over his shoulder as the bedroom door fell shut behind him.

After he was gone, Riley’s pent up frustration exploded.  “I can’t believe it.  4 weeks?  I might as well disappear forever for all the help I’ll be.  We’ll be bankrupt in 3!”

“You don’t know that,” Andi tried to settle him, “this may work out to be an unexpected blessing.”

“Some blessing,” Riley muttered, turning his back to his wife.

Andi bit her lip and quietly left the room.  Riley needed some time alone, to calm down.

*                      *                      *

“I feel fine,” Riley objected to Andi’s reminder that he stay in bed for a little longer.  “It’s been three and a half weeks since the doc said I was doing fine, why can’t I get out of bed and go back to work?”

“Because you might reinjure yourself,” Andi’s eyes gave the pleas her voice would not.  “Stay in bed Riley, we’re managing alright.”

“We’re going bankrupt!”

“No we’re not.”

Suspicion dawned on Riley’s face.  Andi’s response was too quick. “What do you mean?  I saw the numbers, they can’t have improved unless you’re adding money from somewhere.  What do you mean we’re not going bankrupt?”

Andi flushed and quickly bent down to straighten up the clothes on the rug.  She felt Riley’s eyes boring holes in her head, and she finally whispered a confession.  “We’re not going bankrupt, we are bankrupt.”

She reluctantly raised her eyes to find her husband glaring at her. 

“It’s not my fault,” she defended, “we were almost there, this accident just put us over the line.  How we’re going to pay the doctor’s bills I don’t know.  We’re almost out of food in the pantry and our credit is full at the mercantile.”

“So, what you’re saying is, even if I get out of this bed, it’s too late to fix things?”

Andi nodded mutely.  She had done her best, done everything Riley had asked, but her sacrifice just wasn’t enough.  Riley had scorned the idea of going to work for Chad, and big brother would never hire her in her current condition.  She was doing her level best, it just wasn’t working.

“Well isn’t that just great!” Riley’s sarcastic comment broke into her thoughts.  “What are we going to do?”

“You know Chad would appreciate your helping him out, he needs a foreman,” Andi cautiously broached the subject.

“NO!”

The force of Riley’s tone caused Andi to flinch.  “Why not?”

“Because I don’t need your brother’s help to take care of my family.  We’ll figure things out on our own, we don’t need his help.”

“But—”

“But nothing,” Riley cut in, “I can run my family without his help.”

Andi blinked back tears.  “Alright,” she whispered.  Turning on her heel, she quickly left the room before closing the door and letting the tears come.

On the other side of the door, Riley berated himself for making her upset.  You’re right though, he assured himself, you can run your family without Chad’s help.  Just give her a little time, she’ll see it too.  But despite his confident thoughts, he still felt uneasy.

*                      *                      *

“Finally!” Riley exclaimed as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up.  He faltered a little at first, but then began confidently walking.  “I’m finally free of this bed!”

Andi laughed as her husband began getting dressed.  “I’m sure you can’t wait to start doing things again.”

Much of the joy left Riley’s face and he frowned, brows furrowed.  “We need to get this ranch headed in the profitable direction as soon as possible.”

Andi forced a smile and agreed with him.  “You know I’m in wholehearted support of making this ranch make money again.”

“We’ll just have to see if we can buy a newspaper ad to sell off one of the horses to keep us going ‘til spring.”

“There’s a problem with that plan,” Andi said quietly.  “We don’t have any money at all.  None.  We used up the last of it to buy food while you were,” she paused, “in bed.”

“And what did you do?” Riley snapped.  “Sit around the house watching our income dry up?”
            “No,” Andi shot back, her anger aroused.  “I went out on the range every day with our sons, who left school, in order to cover the work of the hands you fired!  While you’re up here enjoying a season of rest, I’m out there risking the life of our baby to have some chance at putting food on our table.  If you think I wanted to be out there, every day, you are very much mistaken.  I know it’s dangerous.  But I’m out there working harder than ever because you are too doggone proud to ask your brother-in-law for a job you know he would give you at the drop of a hat. 

“All you have to do is ask him, but no.  Riley Prescott knows what’s best and he doesn’t need help from anybody or anything.  Forgive me for trying to help my husband save face because he’s too stubborn to see that our children might suffer because of his pride. 

“Grow up!  Act like the godly man I know you are and don’t let your stubborn pride dictate our family’s future!”  Her blue eyes flashing with anger, Andi whirled around and left the room, but not in time to hide the tears pouring down her cheeks like a waterfall.

Riley slammed the door behind her, relishing in the resulting whole-house shake.  He stalked to the bed he had just left behind, and flung himself onto it.  She was wrong.  She was just being overly emotional.  These past several weeks had been hard for her, but that was no excuse for her to yell at him like that.  He was in charge, not her.  He was doing the right thing.  Chad had offered him the job out of a sense of obligation, and while Andi may be used to running to big brother to help solve her problems, that just wasn’t his way.  He could run his ranch and his family without his brother-in-law’s help.  He was independent.  He knew what he was doing. 

Then why, tickled a little voice in the back of his head, is it not going well?  Why did your clear authority bring Andi to tears?  She should be turning to you during this time, why is she running away?

Riley shook his head to clear the traitorous thoughts.  He was right.  He just had to be.

*                      *                      *

The ranch was teetering on the verge of collapse.  Riley had asked Chad for a very small loan, just enough to cover the expenses of a newspaper ad, and his brother-in-law had graciously agreed.  The ad was placed and one of the geldings sold. 

The money from the sale was enough to keep things running for 2 months.  He had taken the money and paid off the Mercantile, as well as purchased critical supplies.  But money was still a constant worry.

On top of all of that, his relationship with Andi was rocketing downhill.  They were in constant strife about the offered position at the Circle C.  He still didn’t understand why she was being so stubborn about it all.

When Riley arrived at the barn, it was well after sunset.  It was dark upstairs, but the kitchen was encompassed in a warm golden glow.  As he approached the door, he could see Andi’s figure bent over the sink, washing the dishes.  He sighed.  It would have been much easier if she were already in bed, then the most he would have to say would be ‘goodnight’.  Instead, he would be obliged to talk about the day, and she would most likely pick an argument.  Squaring his shoulders to face the inevitable, Riley reached out and turned the knob.

*                      *                      *

Andi paused in her work to tuck a stray tendril of hair behind her ear.  It had been a long day, and she was feeling the exhaustion.  This was an unusually tiring pregnancy, and she had been fighting battles with her other children all day.  It was as if they could sense the tension in the house, she mused.  Like some sort of a sixth sense, the boys especially seemed to know when she and Riley had had another argument.  It had been Jared’s night to do the dishes, but after an hour-long battle, she sent him to bed. 

So now, she was doing the dishes at 9:00, waiting for Riley.  She prayed for him daily, because she knew this season was hard for him.  He liked to be independent, and being confined to bed for so long had done a lot of damage to his self-esteem.  Although she sometimes felt like he was too proud for their family’s good, she was constantly turning those sinful thoughts over to the Lord.  She knew they weren’t right, and she knew that “a house divided cannot stand”.  Riley needed her support, no matter her personal feelings.  However, as a loving wife, she also knew that she couldn’t condone the damage his pride was doing to their family. 

This had led to several bitter arguments.  She stopped in her musing as she heard the sound of boots on the porch.  Riley.  She straightened her shoulders, sent a quick prayer heavenward for wisdom and strength, and turned to greet her husband with a smile.

*                      *                      *

“Hi Riley, how was work?”  Although her question was asked cheerfully and she turned a smiling face to him as he opened the door, Andi’s voice still grated on Riley’s nerves. 

Frustrated at the fact that his wife was still awake, it required all of his willpower to hold his anger in check.  “Fine.”

“I saved your supper on the back of the stove, it’s still warm,” Andi tried again.

“I’m not hungry,” Riley said tersely.  “Look, why don’t you just go on up to bed, and I’ll get my own supper and finish the dishes.  I know you’ve got to be tired.”

“Thanks, I am exhausted,” Andi agreed, her face falling.  She took off her apron, then turned to leave the kitchen, but not before Riley saw the tears sliding down her cheeks.

“What is it now?” He snapped, then fought the urge to apologize for his tone.

She slowly turned to face him, then said quietly, “it didn’t use to be like this.”

“To be like what?”

“To be like this.  For you to be so fed up and frustrated with me that you drag your feet coming home in the hopes that I’m already in bed, so you don’t have to speak to me.”

Riley stared at her in astonishment.  How did she know that?

“You know Riley, it doesn’t have to be this way.  We don’t have to avoid each other, and it hurts our whole household when we do.”

“You’re wrong,” Riley lashed out, his anger fully aroused.  “It does have to be this way until you stop trying to make me into something I’m not.  I’m not you.  I’m not a dependent child who has to run crying to big brother every time things get hard.  I’ve got this.  I can handle it.  I don’t need his help.”

“Or God’s,” Andi put in quietly.  “You don’t need God’s help to do anything, because Riley Prescott knows best and Riley Prescott can take care of everything.  There is no money to buy more food, and the pantry is steadily diminishing.  Never mind the short rations for me, I’m only expecting our baby in a couple of months, but at least do something about the children.  They need food, Riley. 

“I’m not saying that working for Chad is the only way to get money, but it’s an option.  You might do well to at least think about it, although I know you’ll just dismiss it.  Riley, there’s a real chance that I might stop getting the nutrition our baby needs.  How will you fix that?”

Warming to her point, Andi raised her voice a trifle. 

“I’m not trying to judge you, Riley, but someone needs to call you to account for your pride.  It’s going to be the ruin of our family, unless you accept God’s help.  ‘Pride goeth before a fall’, but when you fall, you’ll take our whole family with you.  Is that what you really want?

They stood in the kitchen for several moments, staring at each other.  He silent and defensive, she gently reproving. 

After a moment, Andi spoke quietly.  “I know that you don’t want to talk to me, and I grow more tired by the day, so I’ll take you up on your offer and go to bed.  At least think about it, and maybe even pray about it.  Goodnight Riley.”

*                      *                      *

Long after he had finished the dishes, Riley sat, thinking.  Something was different, Andi had simply said her peace and left.  His thoughts lingered on some of her words.  ‘Your pride is going to be the ruin of our family, Riley,’ and ‘when you fall, you’ll take our entire family down with you.’  She was right, he had been ignoring God and His help.  He had been jeopardizing the health of his family in order to feed his pride.  It had been hard for him to lie in bed for weeks, but it had been even harder for her. 

Tears came to his eyes as her words struck home.  His pride, his sinful pride, had almost ruined their family.  He rubbed the back of his neck and groaned softly. 

Reaching for the Bible Andi kept nearby, he opened it up to Proverbs 16:18.  “Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”  He was surprised to find his name beside the verse.  As he peered down at his wife’s flowing script, he read the note under his name. 

Riley,

that he may learn the meaning of this verse the easy way.

October, 1898

 

His heart wrenched with the Holy Spirit’s conviction.  She had been faithfully praying for him for months, despite his stubborn independence.  She had seen the heart issue before he did, and was already praying for his repentance.  And right then and there, he got down on his knees on their kitchen floor and poured out all of his selfish pride, asking for God’s forgiveness.

*                      *                      *

It was dark upstairs as Riley made his way to the bedroom, but light shone through the crack under the door.  Evidence that Andi was still awake, probably reading or journaling, or else she’d just fallen asleep with the light on again.  He slipped into the room quietly, and was not surprised to find his wife’s figure asleep on her pillow, journal and Bible on her growing abdomen.  He turned out the light, and got settled into bed.  Andi sat up next to him, then put out her hand to feel if he was there.

“Did I wake you up,” he breathed softly.

“Not really, I was just waiting for you to come in,” she whispered back, still sounding half-asleep. 

“I have something to tell you, do you want to hear it now or in the morning?”

“How about now, you might be gone in the morning,” she moved closer to him as he reached for her hand.

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.  My stubborn pride almost cost our entire family, and I wouldn’t take the time to listen to what you had to say.”

“And I’m sorry for the strife I caused,” she apologized.

“You didn’t cause any strife, I did.  And, first thing in the morning, I’m going to go to Chad for a job.”  As hard as it had been to get the words out, Riley was glad he had.

“Thank you.”

Riley shifted positions.  “And one more thing, wasn’t it Jared’s day to do the dishes?”

Andi paused, then replied.  “Yes, but I lost energy for the battle after the one hour mark.”

“I think that you get to sleep in all you want tomorrow, and Jared will do all of your household chores.”

Her soft laugh filled the bedroom.  “Sounds good to me.”

“‘Night Princess, I love you.”

“Goodnight Riley, I love you too.”